When God humped Satan!!

Jun 3, 2008

Pain In My Ass(objective & strange as fuck)

Yeay!! Another month gone & another post!! WTF? Its been like a divine disconnection that I have been experiencing with maintaining blogs. Since the last two weeks, believe it or not, its been like that everytime before I hit the sack, I have this inner discussion spoken outside "Fuck,I gotta post something man, its almost a month since the tagdom came & I know I sucked". So now I kind of feel being kicked in my butt to Get the fuck up & start writing. Oh! Guess what?? I haven't picked up a pen for almost a month as well after exams, the results of which will be declared God knows when. Till then, life's okay with me & so are my parents.

After exams, I was off to Silchar to be with our extended joint family, meet up with my under-age drunk cousins, stern uncles & OTT aunts. And a big 'fuck you' to junk food for the disease called piles that you have bestowed me with & hence being a pain in my arse literally & figuratively !!

Yes, yes, I have got piles & it's not a great feeling when I say so. Actually, my uncle who is a surgeon over there says its called "External Piles"or "Fistula"I would rather stick to "pain in the backside" as it doesn't sound that ghastly!

How do you know you have it? Have a test called Colonoscopy done! And mind you this is the worst part. They fucking shove a 3 metre pipe up your ass to see if there's any damage inside. And perhaps the worser part is getting naked & show-off your flat ass to two beautiful nurses. But that's a skill I have perfected by now!! And my uncle even video records the same for "family viewing". Dude that's gross, isn't it? Pity no one was interested & watched IPL & not my ass & so he preserves it for research purposes. *Sobs* no body wanna watch me get laid by a doc!! I mean who has the tenacity to stand a thin guy like me squealing his fuckin guts out like a pig being roasted for dinner & doctors asking the nurses to "Hold his butt properly or the pipe might snap"

A few doses of medicines, syrups, Isabgol & Phew!! now it's gone. So, huge thanks to the greatest surgeon ever & two middle fingers for the guy who made this pipe!!

btw...It seems that I have learnt a lot about how to control myself & so I am back to junk food again!!



Ecodrive said...

oh man..i guess PILES ld be painful..
u r right with every word in you post man..Hygiene is one such thing as you told..

and Get Well Soon..



Tina Angelin said...

dude glad ur ok now....u have a hilarious approach to sometin thats physically painful, some guts u gt thr!!! and wow u gt it video taped....:P

All the best with ur xam results and post more often....


C R D said...

hah! thats a first in the community :P

beautiful nurses? in india? :O
most nurses i came across here looked wouldnt stand in good competition to my 62 yr old bai:p

and oh! does junk food really cause piles? *gulp*

keep posting

Shayan said...


thanx for teh wishes re!!


lol!! I got no choice other than being funny about the not so funny stuff in life!!


seriously man, those nurses were cute. They were from the

& about the junk food thingy!!well, its not just junk food but if you are a Bong like me & always gulp in copious amounts of oil rich food you will have these diseases!! :P

Sandeep Balan said...

u transformed the physical pain into something funny...gud one...n best luck for results...

Shruti said...

OMG...this one really made me laugh!!
but of course.takes great courage to write something like of luck 4 ur results..and happy writing.:)

Pranay said...

arrghh... video taped!!!!
anyws.. glad to kno u r fine now..
but i have to ask... did u have to divulge those 'graphic' details about all those thngs.. i cant imagine that rod or watever goin inside my arse!!

but its good that u take everytng wid a pinch of sugar and laughing gas, if i may say so!!!

D said...

hehhe hi! shayan! you changed your url too isn't it? blogrolled ya again. so whats up! i mean.. how's the backside? sounds very bad're literally fucked in the ass...!

"fistula" sounds horrible~!

Mohan Kumar said...

Is junk foods causing Pain in your ass :D !! I hate to read the word Piles !! You should contact your uncle tonight !!

Shayan said...


I had no option dude!! :(

@shruti, sandeep thanx for the wishes guys!!


It's better now as regards changing URLs you are a legend re!! I am nothing, really nothing in front of you...seriously!!

loz mohan! :P

sanz360 said...

hehe... u've written dis really nicely... bt abt such pain! gud thing u cn laff abt dis... gud luck to u... n gt wel soon!!


unpretentious_diva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GarGi Dixit/Unpretentious Diva said...

Obviously, some illnesses are harsher!
and smear tests or pap tests are obviously a little embarrassing too. Insertion of medical tools in arse or vagina by nurses or doctors may cause some embarrassment or shame.

for some it may cause acute eroticism too!

Tshhar Mangal said...

Oh Man,piles is bad
God bless you

Comfortably Numb said...

ROFLLMAO...PILES.....ARghhha ha hah a ha h

Its painful..I have had a thing over piles since i saw that Channel V advertisement. And I hope you never mistook your piles cream as your toothpaste!


Cheers! and I hope NO ONE in this world gets piles. But yea they can get piles cream for fun or for fresh breath if the want!

Shayan said...

@Sanskriti & mangal
Thx for the wishes & keep visting. Nice to have both of you here!!


"Insertion of medical tools in arse or vagina by nurses or doctors may cause some embarrassment or shame."

Truer words were never spoken dear!!

@Comfortably Numb

Piles cream or puss?? hehe....


engineering said...

that's an uproarious take dude.....good one

UnpretentiousDiva said...

See, I allready provided you some relief!

That's my magic[;)]

funnybunny said...

the 3 meter pipe, it gets to see so much. do they use the same pipe for everybody? :D

*Dip* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
*Dip* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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Dip.. said...

hows the gaand doing

Sach! said...

Hey! Keep healthy 'nd clean..
btw..were you feeding (eating++drinking) all on junk???


KK said...

to the first paragraph. fuck yeah.. its EXACTLY the same with me. literally.
for the rest of it.. hmm sounds frightening. very. but you put it across in a funny way, nice work
the video taping bit was a little more than frightening tho. wtf!

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Playing bingo needs more than luck or skills and techniques, contrary to what most believe. Bingo, just like any game of chance, comes with rules and regulations that players should observe. Being a player comes with responsibilities and etiquette.

Winning the Game

The moment you figured out you won, you must immediately yell BINGO, and it should be loud enough for the floor walker to hear. The pot money shall be given to the winner once their winning card is confirmed. Well, in winning or once you know you just won, the most important thing is that you shout the winning word BEFORE the time elapses. If the game proceeds and the next number is mentioned and you failed to shout "Bingo", your winning card is disqualified. Therefore, this is the rule you must know.

There may be cases when there are two winners, and in this case the pot money shall be divided equally among the winners. Supposing there are two winning cards, the two winners will share half the prize money.

Bingo Game Rules

Bingo rules are basically the same no matter in which Online Bingo hall you play. But still it's good if you know these rules by heart. If it is your first try, then ask for handouts and inquire from pros regarding the game rules. Nonetheless, the ideal thing to do if you have questions is to ask the floor walker and not the person seated beside you. You should clarify things and doubts before the game starts because asking too many questions as the game proceeds could well distract you. This guideline also applies to those who are newcomers at casinos, those who play roulette for the first time.

Bingo halls demand an age limit of 18 years old. If you are below this age, you are prohibited to play. Some bingo houses ban alcohol inside, so players aren't supposed to take liquor nor drink it inside the venue. Smoking may also be restricted inside the venue, as there are designated smoking sections.

Take note that some Bingo houses don't allow food but some do, so it basically depends on the venue. Policies vary among different venues. For instance, some bingo halls allow reservation of cards, while others don't allow it. Some allow people to leave the venue in the middle of the game, others forbid it. But there are general policies observed in all bingo houses, such as disqualification of tampered bingo cards. There is no way you can get away with a tampered card because the walkers are adept at identifying authentic cards from tampered ones. You could be banned from a bingo establishment if proven liable of tampering a card. Hence, you should play honestly.

Interestingly, some venues offer special bingo games for kids although some halls don't allow players to have companions while playing. Suppose you bring kids with you, don't let them run around the venue and bother other gamers. They should behave well whilst you play and the game proceeds. Play quietly and don't recite the numbers you desperately want to come off because you'll be much of a disturbance if you do. Decorous playing is expectant of all players, even those who play roulette at casinos. Also, having a valid identification is important because you don't know you might win and need to present credentials.

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