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Jun 3, 2008

Pain In My Ass(objective & strange as fuck)

Yeay!! Another month gone & another post!! WTF? Its been like a divine disconnection that I have been experiencing with maintaining blogs. Since the last two weeks, believe it or not, its been like that everytime before I hit the sack, I have this inner discussion spoken outside "Fuck,I gotta post something man, its almost a month since the tagdom came & I know I sucked". So now I kind of feel being kicked in my butt to Get the fuck up & start writing. Oh! Guess what?? I haven't picked up a pen for almost a month as well after exams, the results of which will be declared God knows when. Till then, life's okay with me & so are my parents.

After exams, I was off to Silchar to be with our extended joint family, meet up with my under-age drunk cousins, stern uncles & OTT aunts. And a big 'fuck you' to junk food for the disease called piles that you have bestowed me with & hence being a pain in my arse literally & figuratively !!

Yes, yes, I have got piles & it's not a great feeling when I say so. Actually, my uncle who is a surgeon over there says its called "External Piles"or "Fistula"I would rather stick to "pain in the backside" as it doesn't sound that ghastly!

How do you know you have it? Have a test called Colonoscopy done! And mind you this is the worst part. They fucking shove a 3 metre pipe up your ass to see if there's any damage inside. And perhaps the worser part is getting naked & show-off your flat ass to two beautiful nurses. But that's a skill I have perfected by now!! And my uncle even video records the same for "family viewing". Dude that's gross, isn't it? Pity no one was interested & watched IPL & not my ass & so he preserves it for research purposes. *Sobs* no body wanna watch me get laid by a doc!! I mean who has the tenacity to stand a thin guy like me squealing his fuckin guts out like a pig being roasted for dinner & doctors asking the nurses to "Hold his butt properly or the pipe might snap"

A few doses of medicines, syrups, Isabgol & Phew!! now it's gone. So, huge thanks to the greatest surgeon ever & two middle fingers for the guy who made this pipe!!

btw...It seems that I have learnt a lot about how to control myself & so I am back to junk food again!!



NOT!!

80 comments:

Ecodrive said...

oh man..i guess PILES ld be painful..
u r right with every word in you post man..Hygiene is one such thing as you told..

and Get Well Soon..

cheers

Deepz

Tina Angelin said...

dude glad ur ok now....u have a hilarious approach to sometin thats physically painful, some guts u gt thr!!! and wow u gt it video taped....:P

All the best with ur xam results and post more often....

Cheers
Tee

C R D said...

hah! thats a first in the community :P

beautiful nurses? in india? :O
most nurses i came across here looked wouldnt stand in good competition to my 62 yr old bai:p

and oh! does junk food really cause piles? *gulp*

keep posting

Shayan said...

@deepz,

thanx for teh wishes re!!

@tina

lol!! I got no choice other than being funny about the not so funny stuff in life!!

@Criss

seriously man, those nurses were cute. They were from the hills...so...

& about the junk food thingy!!well, its not just junk food but if you are a Bong like me & always gulp in copious amounts of oil rich food you will have these diseases!! :P

Sandeep Balan said...

u transformed the physical pain into something funny...gud one...n best luck for results...

Shruti said...

OMG...this one really made me laugh!!
but of course.takes great courage to write something like this..anyways..best of luck 4 ur results..and happy writing.:)

Pranay said...

arrghh... video taped!!!!
anyws.. glad to kno u r fine now..
but i have to ask... did u have to divulge those 'graphic' details about all those thngs.. i cant imagine that rod or watever goin inside my arse!!
arrrghhhh!!!F!@ET$@#$@R#@#$#%#$##$

but its good that u take everytng wid a pinch of sugar and laughing gas, if i may say so!!!

D said...

hehhe hi! shayan! you changed your url too isn't it? blogrolled ya again. so whats up! i mean.. how's the backside? sounds very bad ..ewwww...you're literally fucked in the ass...!

"fistula" sounds horrible~!

Mohan Kumar said...

Is junk foods causing Pain in your ass :D !! I hate to read the word Piles !! You should contact your uncle tonight !!

Shayan said...

@pranay


I had no option dude!! :(

@shruti, sandeep thanx for the wishes guys!!

@Dipz

It's better now as regards changing URLs you are a legend re!! I am nothing, really nothing in front of you...seriously!!

loz mohan! :P

sanz360 said...

hehe... u've written dis really nicely... bt abt such pain! gud thing u cn laff abt dis... gud luck to u... n gt wel soon!!

~Sanskriti

http://sanz360.wordpress.com/

unpretentious_diva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GarGi Dixit/Unpretentious Diva said...

Obviously, some illnesses are harsher!
and smear tests or pap tests are obviously a little embarrassing too. Insertion of medical tools in arse or vagina by nurses or doctors may cause some embarrassment or shame.

for some it may cause acute eroticism too!

Tshhar Mangal said...

Oh Man,piles is bad
God bless you

Comfortably Numb said...

ROFLLMAO...PILES.....ARghhha ha hah a ha h

Its painful..I have had a thing over piles since i saw that Channel V advertisement. And I hope you never mistook your piles cream as your toothpaste!

ROFLLMAO

Cheers! and I hope NO ONE in this world gets piles. But yea they can get piles cream for fun or for fresh breath if the want!

Shayan said...

@Sanskriti & mangal
Thx for the wishes & keep visting. Nice to have both of you here!!

@Gargi

"Insertion of medical tools in arse or vagina by nurses or doctors may cause some embarrassment or shame."


Truer words were never spoken dear!!

@Comfortably Numb

Piles cream or puss?? hehe....


yukk!!

engineering said...

that's an uproarious take dude.....good one

UnpretentiousDiva said...

See, I allready provided you some relief!

That's my magic[;)]

funnybunny said...

bwaaahahahah
the 3 meter pipe, it gets to see so much. do they use the same pipe for everybody? :D

*Dip* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
*Dip* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Black Rose said...

diptis-blog.blogspot.com

sigh

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ray said...

Hi ,

I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be wow.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘Verbal Diarrhoea’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;

BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!

This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)

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Dip.. said...

hows the gaand doing

Sach! said...

Hey! Keep healthy 'nd clean..
btw..were you feeding (eating++drinking) all on junk???

-Sach!
http://sachi-stayingalive.blogspot.com/

KK said...

to the first paragraph. fuck yeah.. its EXACTLY the same with me. literally.
for the rest of it.. hmm sounds frightening. very. but you put it across in a funny way, nice work
the video taping bit was a little more than frightening tho. wtf!

Cursed♪♫ said...

Hi!
Just came across your blog!
It's cool :)

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